Realistically

The sad reality is that my laptop is dying and this is not a joke. I can hear it moaning and these are moans of agony, not ecstasy (though I can tell it likes these heart-attacks it's getting every five minutes). I am going berserk, nuts, crazy - you name it. But I'll hopefully get a new machine by next Thursday, depending on how long it takes to ship it from San Francisco to London.

Oh, and I almost forgot... My hypothetical friend is still very real and just the best. The pooch's privates, the mutt's nuts or simply the dog's bollocks, so it is!