Sleepless...

Somehow I can't sleep. And who is your best mate when you suffer from *insomnia*? Of course:

Yummy. It's not Guinness, but they don't sell Guinness on tesco.com. Oh well...

I've been thinking a bit. About life. How it's changed. I had a nice life back in Warsaw, cool job (though it's all relative), friends, things... and one day I just decided to leave it all and go to the US. Was the US worth giving everything up in Poland? I am unsure. Was California worth it? Oh yeah, definitely. Best time of my life so far. Something's changed though. I can't imagine myself living in Poland again. Somehow I got used to the fact that I don't really have a real *home* and frankly - it feels fine. I don't know what it is, but I am thinking it's a matter of *challenge*. Things seem somehow easy in Poland (yeah, I know I deserve at least a spank for saying that, but well), whilst living in a foreign country is and always will be a challenge. It's not only about the language (after a while, even if English is my second-language, you start thinking in English, dreaming in English etc). It's not even about the culture (I mean - come on - we're not talking about Japan or even anything close to that). I am guessing it's just the overall experience. Learning new things, having small successes and big failures (oh yeah, big ones!), experiencing *new* stuff. Okay, I know, it sounds like some rubbish-talk, but I am not sure how to put it.

The point is that I don't really miss Poland. Fine, I do get excited every time before I go to Poland, I count days, but then it appears that I don't really know what to talk about with my best friends (you know those embarrassing moments of silence, when 2 people don't really know what to say? And they go like "Yeah, so I've been working like hell recently, my job is killing me, but I other than that I am fine, yeah I am fine. How have you been? - Oh, great, wanna see some photos from my last trip? No? Oh, it's okay, no worries. Let's have some more wine"). It also appears that everything irritates me. Literally everything. Snow (the unemployment rate in Poland is somewhere around 20% and there is really nobody to take care of it??). Lack of snow (why isn't it snowing?? It's Xmas, it should be snowing!!). Happy people (why are they so happy? It's a grey country and there is really nothing to be happy about!). Upset people (for heaven's sake, can't you just smile a bit? Why are you so depressed!). The list is long. And it absolutely doesn't make sense, I know. As soon as I arrive to Poland I want to go back. And a while after I leave Poland I want to go there again. Vicious circle.

Anyway. I have just finished my beer (didn't take too long, lol), it's almost midnight and I think getting some sleep would be fair. I have finally put in writing something that's been bothering me for quite a while now, so at least that's something.